Threats to Botanists

(compiled by Craig DeLong)

Chrysosplenium tempertantrum - this species already known for it's violent temper has been rumored to be obtaining unregistered firearms and thus is even more dangerous.

Disporum hook-in-your-eye - this species is especially dangerous along riverbanks when the salmon and steelhead are running.

Disporum tacky-carp-gum – a relative of Disporum hook-in-your-eye this species uses old dead carp to make a particularly sticky gum that it hides in places where botanists will be sure to put their hands.

Oplopanax hard-ta-bypass- a threat to Botanists under most conditions. (Dave Polster)

Rubs-us in-da-eyes - is a prickly threat that may tempt botanists with delicious fruit. (Dave Polster)

Streptopus streptococcoides – beware of this species or suffer the consequences (Hans Roemer)

Smilacina stilleto – this species wields a sharp blade with tremendous skill.

Rosa nut-cannon – this species can hurl nuts at tremendous velocity. Botanists have been known to be knocked unconscious by this species.

Polystichum ammunition – provides ammunition to Chrysosplenium tempertantrum and Rosa nut-cannon (Nick Page)

Polystichum-up kruckebergii – a species that appears to selectively threaten people in the Kruckeberg family. Beware Art.

Panicum yearendsis - Report not confirmed (Matthew Fairburns)

Dodecatheon jeffrey(dalmer)i – the shooting star come serial killer (Karen Golinski)

Vaccinium murder-lloyd-easy – the reason Dennis Lloyd does not come to Botany BC unless it is held in areas he is most familiar with.

Vaccinium hooliganosum – Has become more abundant these days due to world cup Soccer (Karen Golinski)

Vaccinium ugly-nose-on-him – This species is so ugly that some botanists have become sickened by the sight of him.

Her-hat-cleave-him land-at-him – don’t mess with this species, her razor sharp hat edge has severed the limbs of more than one botanist.

Carry-axe murder-ma – the very dangerous curved spiked sedge.

Gaultheria he-spit-at-you – nasty ill-tempered little fellow who has mastered the art of spitting.

Aralia nudist-colony – only a threat to those botanists that are easily offended.

Sell-axe murder-lloyd-easy – provides axes to Vaccinium murder-lloyd-easy.

Potent-killer norvegica – a skilled Scandinavian killer.

Carex pain-in-the-eye (Bruce Bennett)

Antennaria flaggellate-him (Ksenia Barton)

Adiantum capillus-venereal

Dangerous Bryophytes

Tortella torture-you-also – a mean spirited moss.

Drepanocladus revolver (Karen Golinski and Nick Page)

Scorpidium scorpion-sting (Karen Golinski and Nick Page)

Non Threatening Species

Pa-kissed-ma mercy-nighties (Art Kruckeberg)

Uncle sylvester (Art Kruckeberg)